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"..i don't trust you. i never show my love to you. i've been unfair towards your freedom. i never understand you enough. i caged your passion and interest. etc.. in short, i'm never good enough for you!"
How i wish i could have other alternative. I can't voice out nor can i be myself around you. Yes. That's how drastic the change has taken in. Oh i guess you can say whatever you want to say about me. Judge me for all i care. I've quit crying over such aimless accusation. That was the LAST you've heard. The next time, i'll be glad to bring out the bitch in me. Damn. Love game, I HATE IT.
Everytime i come to you for a listening ear or a friendly talk, you NEVER fail to bring down my self-esteem. Condemn me in my every way. Advices you say? More like disheartening me for everything. And everytime i'm trying to proof a fact or a point, YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE ME. What others say is always what you'd rather believe. Well, you claimed you're not happy? Hell i donno what else i can do to give you all the happiness in the world! I give you soo much yet to you i don't. I changed for the sake of us but to you i will NEVER ever change. That's why i make it a point that change is biase. No use changing and cleansing when you don't even care to acknowledge it.
Looking back at our 11th. It wasn't a smooth one. Oh well, so was the 10th, 9th, etc.. And yes i remembered the note i passed to you. Hope you still do.
...by our 1st year and things are not settled, i'll definitely pack my back and leave. You have a month to arrange a good time for us to sit, spill and settle the lil disputes we've been keeping in vengeance. Find true happiness yet once again.
FUCK.
Time is running out.
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This blogg is a little stagnant. Yeahh i know that. But don't worry, i ain't moving again. Hahahaa. I was just busy with my online portfolio. Aim to make it as impressive as possible. I would love to hear positive comments afterwards such as "..wow! it's amazing!" or "..isssk. Nice sia!" or maybe speechless is better. Hahahaha. Yes very ambitious indeed. That's the reason why i take aloooot of time to get it done.
Ok on the otherside, i've been kept busy at work with the new kids production for Suria. Interesting. Besides that reality, life has been pretty much a drama. Love, family, friends.. Aaah. Shall not elaborate further. And of course, MUSE was AWESOOOOME!!!!
Hahaha. On random thoughts, i'm very much uptight now. Friends told me to loosen up! Oh well, some important people in my life is messing my head with shits. I'm tryna be ok. I'm tryna make things better. But the efforts not worth the penny. Instead, it's aaaaall my fault again. Maybe i shouldn't bother trying. Or better still, i kno i want the life back. So, i'm gonna try harder! I won't quit for now. Hear that?!! I won't! Maybe until i'm tired of it or when the situation is not mendable.
Ok that's all for now. I'm blogging at work right now while waiting for some confirmation from Azni and Najib.. I'm enjoying the moment as much as possible now.. Heheee. Coz Keith just left. Hanie, Licia, Hady or in another words, my usual culprits are all shooting outdoor. So it's just me. Cool.. :))
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Aaah. Sweeeeeet. My Muse concert tix is greatly a gift by Alan. I'm very much greatful to baby. Oh well, it's our favourite band. Hehehee. I pray that all will go well till the very end. We've waited and anticipated for them to perform here in Singapore for years already. Let's end the waiting! So calling all Muse fans, get up, get out and see ya'll on the 16th! Woohooooo!!
Ok. Insya'allah i'll get to strike off a name from my list of 'People whom i wanna meet sooo much!' soon. Yeayness. Woohoo! *jumping jumping jumping jumping jumping* And who you may ask? Heh heh heh heh.
I wanna meet this angel..
Chris is the bassist for the band Muse. And yes, I'M GOING TO THE MUSE CONCERT ON THE 16TH!! Ho ho ho. If all goes well, as yall know, its gonna be held at the Fort Canning. One night only yaw. Insya'allah.. ((:
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Aaah. Once again, it's been awhile. I'm back to say, there's alooot of things had happened. Too much things. Oh well. That's what life is. Without the happenings, life would be dull and boring. For all that occured, i shall say alhamdulilah..
Well.. I celebrated birthdays, i made good friendship ties blissfully, i severe some others, i welcomed new lifes, i witnessed last breath, i annoyed myelf, i cried, i laughed, i got wasted, i tried new things, i did what i did best, etc. The colors of my life. It's wonderful. It's great. Happy or sad, laughter or tears, it's an equal greatness that i feel.
Tonnes of meaningful pictures to be shared.. Aahh. Laziness had set in. Sorry. Maybe next time. It's the holiday season, so get up, get out and have a jolly good time. Don't fret. For every tear, there's a tinge of laughter and vice versa. :))
Meantime remember the Toons Galore that i made? If you don't, here it is, an encore! Plus! Additional new toons featuring Rudy, Mariam, Rida and Usop. Here's the collection for now..
Shalyn Version.341 Toon Galore Updated.
Rizzle the dizzle the fuck you bitch. Ooh, sorry. Not for the others. So happy holidays to all. Have a great time enjoying the last of 2006. See you all. *poof*
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".. if only i know why and what's wrong, i wouldn't have done all that to hurt you. Why on earth will i want to do all that when i truly love and treasure you, you tell me? Maybe my brain has all screwed up. I sincerely declared my love and decision to stay with you till my dying days.. Accepted every inch of you. And mind you, i meant every word.
I cried every night to you. I tried to tell you. I'm tired of all the insecurities. Why? Please.. Sometime the lil things that you keep are things that hurt me most. By ignoring that fact, that's when misunderstandings arise. You may think that you did nothing but your every step and action can kill me. Truthfully, i'm tired of my life now. I've to deal with myself being hopelessly sick.. Family bickering.. And no need to add more, those are already enough a weight to carry. I simply dread the next sunrise. To me, another day equals to another day of hurts and suffering. I feel like there's no more meaning in life. But strongly, being religiously concientious, i chaste my thoughts of such negative vibes. I try. Really, i believe now, evil is strong. Patience is a virtue. Allahu'akhbar..
As for my love, i wish you come clean with me. Spill to me. Tell me, directly, one on one.. What you really feel about me? What are your intentions being with me? What's your aim for me? And where do you see us in 10 years down the road? I really want to know.
I'm not saying that with you saying the three words often to me isn't good enough. In fact it is good enough, if love has never been cruel to us that is. And i'm very much astounded when you said that too much sacrifices has been made from you. Were you even sincere when you decided upon sacrificing back then? Were you?? You brought that up. I felt defeated, punched to the ground.. How can i stay when you keep on bringing back the past? How can i believe your sincerities when you demand an exchange from me. I don't mean to be angry but the fact is i am. I want us to really sit down and talk. We really need that. Straighten things out. Find the solution to every matter. By the way, when was the last time we did that?
Remember what i shared with you under the shelter? Remember that very night? That, i will remember always. My insecurity with God. I've not been having a good night sleep. What more a pleasant dream. But what i shared with you, wasn't just a ploy. That fear, that tears.. I am simply shaken. God is great. You and i will never know when's our last. Thus, i really mean it, since then till my last breath, i vowed to love and treasure you with all i might. Only Him can tear us apart. I won't leave and gives up on you, family nor life. He will be the only reason.
After all these, it comes back to a question. And that i wonder, do you feel the same way too, dear?.."
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..you don't have to say you love me just because i have.. You don't have to stay forever, i will understand.. Believe me.
"..you know it's true love when you can lay next to each other without any other souls crossing our mind."
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Is it too much for a girl to ask?
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".. why is it soo dificult for me to see you and ask you out (for the last time)? It seems to fail every time i attempt to do so these days. Reasons by fate.. All i want is to hold you for the last time.. And kiss you.. And whisper in your ears that i will always love you.. All in all, i'm doing this without you realising my main motive. For you, i'm just the same old me who always bug you for a meet-up. Well, ironically, it just won't happen!
Maybe because, there will not be any last time? We are not meant to be seperated? Maybe, God have better plan for us both.."
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The cry. You heard. You questioned. I'm sorry.. I lied straight to your face.
The millions of tears shed meant a lot to me. Every single one symbolizes every bit of love and memories of you and me. It wasn't easy..
Every love has its story. And my story ends with you..
My dear, seek what you always wanted. May all your dreams come true.
"..you know it's true love whe you can lay next to each other without any other souls crossing our mind." - anonymous
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Aaaaaaah. It's been awhile isn't it? I've been keeping myself busy with other useful things in life ever since the boyfriend's schedule was super hectic with trainings at the museum. Naughthily, i've been raking up stupiak reasons too, just to meet him. Hehehee. Blame it on loveeee..
Soo many good stuff had happened and you'll definetely thirst for updates!
Teasers: ChicksOnSpeed @ Zouk!!, LadiesDay&NightOut, it's Sab's Birthday!!, Look Who's Getting Hitched!, BitchyFight & lots lots more! Sooo, if you want some juicilicious updates plus yummay-licious pictures.... GO VOTE FOR TIRAMISU @ STREETSTYLE AWARDS 06 NOW!!! ;)) I still believe that they are the rightful winner. Hehee.
It's been twoo weeks and counting, Tiramisu is gearing up for the ultimate showdown this weekend. The one in collabration with theater performance, Divine Soap. If you have extra moolahs in your pocket, then come down. It's funny, guaranteed! Oh well, i'm exclusively invited with a complimentary tix. And darn i'm excited! Ok, for more information on the Theatrical Production, visit the National Museum webbie.
Ok peeps, have a great weekend!! *cheers*
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I thought i will be okay when he's out there busy with rehearsals. I thought it's easy as one twoo three to overcome the lil seperation. Never have i thought that it's actually tormenting. He's busier than a busy bee. More busier than a busybody. I felt like it's been weeks that i've not seen him. Ooh i missed him like a mad munkee. And all i want, every time, is my boyfriend to be back here with me.. Where he rightfully belongs. Eurgh. Damn it. Soo much to do in soo little time!!
I miss you sweetheart. I poured this out with much filled love to you..
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Here We Go..
Hey all. As promised, the long due updates as well as still motions. Let's begin with Eid Mubarak. This year, my family had a good time visiting houses of the close relatives for the first two days of hari raya. Indeed, those were the only days we went out as family, visiting from house to house. On other days of Syawal, it's back to any other day..Work, chill and everything in between. As for me, i'm just sad.. Sad that Ramadhan had left us again.
Shortly after the Muslims celebrate to welcome the month Syawal, it was my birthday yaw! Hehehee. Guess what, im at my ts12 now. Never felt older! Hahahaa. It was the sweetest thang ever. The peeps came down to cheer with me with a big bottle of Vodka that i've got. Ecstaticly, i had wonderful moments. Though no borthday cake nor presents were presented, they sang a cheerful birthday song out loud to me with lighted lighters. Touched, i blew the lighters instead that night. Hahahaa. I really had a good time. Thanx to those who made their way down just for me.. And to those who wished me, i appreciate the thoughts too. Cheers! Above all, i thank Alan for honouring me like a real Princess the whole time.. You made it all possible dear. Thankyouu..
On that weekend, the few of us packed our purse for a one day trip to Pengili. It was kinda gerek i must admit. The view.. The journey.. The very-fast-overtakes. Issk. The fireworks display by the one and only BUnit crew, that was effing fun! Loud, sparks and colours. We went visiting too, to Harry's close relatives. Hehee. The atmospphere was different. The scorching sun slackens us but we managed to do all tasks that we intended to.. Especially to first-timer like Alan and i. Hehehee.
A tiring day it has been. But it doesn't stop us from going ahead with the Halloween Party at Zouk. Harry came along with us back to Singapore just for the thrill of the night. Haha. Ok, the BUnit gang was dressed, or should i say, not much dressing done, as terrorists. Complete with laser pointer guns and full face masks. And as for me, i was the Witch. A blur witch who keeps losing her magic wand. Urgh. In the end, i forgo the magical wand with a whole loads of fun time drinking with Rida and Mariam. Shiok lahh. I don't know what made it soo fun but i'm sure addicted to them. A simple mini bottle of vodka and gulp each, the night turned from packed, boring and stuffy to loud laughs, gossips and three contented hearts.. And everything else. Hehehee. I guessed right, it's the company i'm with.. Hehehee.
On the 4th November was the day of the BUnit Raya Outing. Nothing much to comment about it. The day passed by very quickly and we managed to cover up to the westsiders. It was a looong and eventful day. I had a good time too. I guess his wish was granted. My first ever Raya with him and it wasn't memorable at all. I hope next year will be better. Sigh..
Anyway, i went to my lil princess's show the other day. It was held at the Singapore Poly Auditorium. Organized by the kids' school itself, Mercu. It was the graduation day for the K2 kiddies and the other kids put up a show just for us. And this year's theme was Animal Kingdom. Thus, all performances was tied to animals. The lil princess performed 'I can't wait to be King'.. That explaind the costume they were in. Imagine kids as young as pre-schoolers and nurseries, they all performed. How cute can that be! The stage-fright.. The cutsy dance moves.. And the attention seekers. Hilarious i tell you! The only thing that spoils the day, was the catering. Yucks. Tasteless. Everything.
Ok, the best part now.. Erfan's back!! Yeay! Though i've never met him before, i did look forward to shake his hands. Of all that i've heard, he's a wacky, funny and nice guy. simply everyone's favourite.. And now, my favourite of them all. Hehehee. He loves to smile. For god knows what reasons. Hahahaha. But it's good lahh.. He portrays a friendly image. So anyhoos, the BUnit gave him a surprise pick up at the airport. Then the next night, we met up at his biggie house to celebrate his 26th birthday. It was soo gerek though i was having a very very bad menstrual cramp. Damn! Spoiler.. Since then, i'm always looking forward for meet ups with him the rest. I heard he's crazy. I wanna see that for myself! Heheheee.
So, Tiramisu perormed live at BarNone yesternight. Ooh yes, a Monday night some more. Syawla Evol was fantastic. They reminds of my bro's band. Hehehee. Hayden the vox was effing cute. Yummay.. The dimples i mean. Hee. Tiramisu performance was the finale. The turnout was effing good i should say. Lotsa friends came down to watch them.. Including my dearie Dea, Woohoo! Missed her liao.. Hehe. And she did not came down for Athif hokkay. Mind you Alan, she came down for me. My belated birthday. Hehehee. But she was excited though. Hehe. Anyway, fans misses Tiramisu performing. Indeed, me too. I was almost glad to see everyone.. The BUnit came. That includes Sham&Qisha, Erf!!, Ilyana&Danny, their cuzz, Is and the Kinemats, Aband Adik Akira&Rida, SAB!!, the gerek couple, adnilizdar&hubby, Hafiz stomping ground and soo soo sooo much more lahh! Almost a reunion! Gerek! Hehehee. I had a wonderful time! And guessed what, Alan did a dedication.. To Erfan! Hehe. His first dedication on stage and i'm proud of him. :))
I miss the company of Dea. I was freaky glad that she came down to the showcase yesternight. I had a good time with her and i'm more glad that she enjoyed herself soo effing much! A silent thanx to Athiff. Hehehee. A good day spent. I'm happy.
The boyfriend is out today. He sounded sick and i know he doesn't wanna see me today. I'm just sad. I suppose due to the busy schedule of his, he forgot about our anniv. Sigh.. Happy 9th to us.. Worst still, it was yesterday. He totally forgot about it.. :((
Well, that's all. I'm done here. Good night.
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I'm guilty for the lack of updates. Ok, let's make a pac here.. When i ain't rushing for any deadlines, i'll update every single frame of my life for yall, including the due ones. BUT, when my hands of times are ticking like a bullet train to meet the deadlines, pardon the days and days or maybe weeks of no updates. Heheheheee. Deal hokkay? Anyway, i'll post the pixxies soon. A lot liao.. Issk. But i'll pick the best out to be displayed here of course. Meantime, the pix above are from the recent but the only Raya Gathering with the BUnit Crew. Ok, i experienced lotsa weird felings during this festive month. I mean weird feelings about the people and whatnot. But then again, maybe i'm just being paranoid. Hmm.. To Qamariah, thankyouu soo much for all the advices and opportunities. You've been sucha great mentor to me even since school days. :)) Ok, till the next update. See ya.
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